he was cheating on me all along.

i gave up two months ago, and i've started a new blog.

a new life, a new page, a brand new smile.

you admitted to a lie, right after you said it,

for the very first time, just a few days ago.

as much as i hate that she called, and that you lied,

you told me the truth about 15 seconds later,

and i didn't even have to ask for it.

as angry as i am, i can't help but be so happy,

that you told me the truth.

we're going through a rough patch,

because you've never been in a relationship, that you

didn't feel like you had to lie, until now.

old habits die hard.

we're going through so much, saying so many things,

but i feel like it's needed, and that it's the only way,

that we're going to make it through all this.

we can do it baby.

i believe in us.

you lied again, and you felt horrible the moment i caught you.

i deserve so much better then this, i can do so much better.

i don't lie to you, i can't do it through my teeth like you do.

i don't know if this is all going to work out, if you keep on lying to me,

the way that you do, like it's just so easy.

you blame it on old habits, but those arn't my fault, and i'm stuck

paying for your past mistakes, while i'm trying to step forward.

i want to be happy, and live with truth, honesty, and love.

they all fall hand in hand, and i keep on giving myself reason to trust you,

but you keep on taking it away from yourself,

you're fucking this up for yourself.

i want to love you, i want to be with you, but i can't do that,

if you can't even tell me the truth. i want to hold you forever,

because i love you more then you could ever know, but you
always push me away, and say what you think i'd want to hear.

truth is, i want to hear just that, the truth.

i don't care how much it stings, i don't care how much, it makes me cringe.

i just want it all, like a deck of cards, laid out in front of me.

no suprise, you've been keeping cards inside your sleeves.

i can't keep living like this, i'm going to start doubting everything you say.

because you hide things from me, and seem to think i'll never figure it out.

but the thing is, your stories arn't consistant, they don't stay the same.

you change them because you forget your first lie, then you make a new one.

i hate this, i hate it when you do that, i can't even look you in the eye.

i took alot less shit from other people before breaking up with them,

but i can't do that this time, it would break my heart.

you're my bestfriend, my lover, and everything in-between.

i want to give you everything you want, and need.

i'll bend over backwards to see you smile, and to know you're happy.

just stop lying to me.

i think we might start to get better.
slowly, we're growing together again.
i've been spending some time on my own, alot of it,
and i forgot how great it felt to really just be happy,
truly, with myself, and no one else.

i've learnt alot about myself,
and i got so stuck on the idea that i was losing you,
to see what we actually had.

you really are my bestfriend, and you're not going anywhere
we've been through SO much,
and if you would have been wanting to leave,
you'd be lone gone by now.
five months already.

i hope this lasts, because i remember looking into your eyes,
and thinking it was too good to be true.
i remember writting pages and pages, about how it was all in my head,
that i was temporary, an in-between thing, and my thinking was
i rather have as much of you as i can, while i can
five months later, i'm still holding your hand.

i can honestly say, I am completely head over heels in love with you.

we're falling apart,
and it's just a matter of time at this point.
i don't want to lose you, i'm not ready to let go.
i'm not ready to forget everything.

our lips are moving, and we're not talking.
but everything isn't as sweet as before,
because now we're arguing.

and the whispers turn to talking,
and the talking turns to screaming,
and you just don't understand.

i don't know why you hold on to her so dearly,

maybe i should just let go.

i'm really starting to think you were never ready for this.
i'm going to be just another laura
we're going to end up in the same rut you two did.
i can feel it already.

maybe this is going to change once you come back.
i hope so, i really really hope so.
i'm losing grip of the biggest thing in my life right now.
i want you back, i want you to be mine.

but i don't know if i mean enough to you,
i don't know if i'm worth it to you.
but i hope so.

i don't think i should trust you the way i do.
i think you're straying.
i think i might have to let you go.

i'm so scared.