all i want to do is scream.

why do you always have to be right? what makes you think that you can tell me what to do, where not to go, and what not so say? you cannot control me, and you never will. I'm getting really sick of how you've been treating me, and this is never going to stop.

you pull bullshit out of your ass to look intelligent, but you have no idea how fucking stupid you look to everyone who knows you were lying. you'll come up with things things that make no fucking sense. You usually have no idea what you're talking about, but you always have to seem more intelligent, like you're on top, like you know everything. you always have to prove me wrong, i can never know about something more then you, you always have to be on top.

you give my family your business cards? of the STORE of where you work? are you fucking stupid? then you say that you should leave the whole stack of them at my uncle's house? what the fuck is wrong with you? you put your arm around me, and told me to kiss you. i was so fucking pissed at you i didn't want to kiss you, so i didn't. not noticing it, you started a conversation with my cousin. what did you talk about? you. you. you. you. you. you.

that was it. that's all you wanted to talk about. and then we're playing guitar hero with my cousins downstairs, i was singing, having fun, just joking around, we were all laughing so hard we were crying. then you have to go and tell my brother that he sucks at what he's doing, for you to let him show him how it's done. you sit there, and look like a complete idiot because he's so much better then you. and then you go after me, you take my spot, and sound like a fucking dying cat, but the difference is that you're being serious. my whole family looked at you like you were fucking retarted.

you're not always right.
you're not fucking perfect.
you don't know everything.

you're hurtful.
i'm sick of this bull shit.
i'm afraid to bring it up again because i'll seem like a bitch.

but bottom line,
all i wanted was to love you.
you've made that impossible.

you hurt me,
make me look stupid in front of family.
you always have to prove yourself better,
you seem to think you can do no wrong.

truth is,
you make me want to fucking scream.

Blame games.

I'm well aware that i'm not perfect. No one is, but what i did was not fair whatsoever. You deserve better then me. I'm sure at the time, i thought that i wasn't doing anything wrong, because i would never do anything to hurt you. But with the lingering scent of alcohol on my clothing, i see that it wasn't such a great idea. My opinion is pretty mixed on this one, because it's not the worst thing i've ever done, for sure. But just because it's not the worst, it dosn't make it okay. I understand why you're not happy, and now i'm simply embarassed to say the least. Really, really embarassed. To say the least i've violated your trust, but you havn't been perfect either, i just havn't brought it up.

How about when you were drunk, and you were telling me how you'd love to fuck your boss, how hot she is? How about when you were standing there flirting with her, and how you left me with people i didn't know the whole night? how you said sorry, and it made everything alright. How i never brought it up because i didn't want to hurt you more then you had to. But thanks, honestly, for making me feel like shit. And showing your mom, did you REALLY have to do that? did you REALLY have to show her? I know you were mad, but that's still not fair. I know you were mad, but did i go telling my mom how you wanted to fuck your boss, and how attractive you were bragging of her being? Did i tell my mom how you were saying how all the girls there were so attractive, and how you ditched me to go flirt with them? NO. I didn't even tell you because you wouldn't even remember. You don't remember, and i'm happy you don't. You wouldn't be able to look me in the eye, and that's why i didn't. I love the way you look at me.

Your parents will never look at me the same way ever again. Like i'm nothing but a dirty slut or something of the sort. That's not who i am, and now they'll never know that. I sit here, hating myself, and you just put fuel in the fire. "Baby don't feel bad, i promise, it's okay, people do bad things". Yes, i'm aware people do bad things. Maybe i should tell you what you did, maybe i should tell you what you did, maybe you wouldn't be so proud anymore, always making yourself seem so much smarter and so much better then me. Maybe you wouldn't be able to look me in the eye.

You always have to correct me on things you know nothing about.
"you shouldn't straighten your hair right after you dye it"
"how would you know?"
"my sister dyes her hair"
"I've been dying my hair for years, and i used to be a hair model, i know what i'm talking about"
"whatever you say..."

do you always have to be right? do you always have to know everything?
I know you're smart, i know you're educated, but you have no right to talk to me the way you do.

You always put me down, make yourself seem so much better then me at everything. It's starting to really get on my nerves. It's almost as if you treat me like a child, and you're the teacher. How i know nothing on the subject, and you feel the urge to educate me. But truth is, i do know quite a bit, i'm not fucking stupid.

and how you bring this shit up,
he wrote on my chest and you have the nerve to try and tell me that i was so fucking wrong?
People make mistakes.

i'm sorry, and nothing can change that.

i'd lie.

you asked me if i was okay. and somehow, i managed to say yes. i'm really not sure how, because i was holding my breath so i wouldn't cry. you asked me why i've seemed distant lately, and it's simply because i feel like i'm losing you. i don't seem to entertain you like i did before, you never call anymore, and everytime we're together, you're stuck on that stupid tv show and you completely ignore me. i hate having to ask you 5 times to come sit with me, i feel like i should mean more then that. i'm not asking a whole lot, simply that you come and sit down with me. but instead you sit across your room and find every excuse to get up and leave. you don't hold me the way you used to. you tell me you love me, and that i'm your world. but it's just that you don't do anything ro prove it anymore. and i don't feel like you want to be close to me anymore. i just don't feel it. these words just fall off of my fingertips like bullets, and nothing seems to make me feel better. my mom noticed i've been bitter with her, it's because i've been bitter with myself. i want to love you, i really do. but you're making it so hard. i just want you to hold me every once in a while, not only when i'm crying. it just makes me want to scream, what we were, just a week ago, it's already so different. i think i gave you my heart too fast, this is just hurting too much right now. i don't want to have to ask you to love me, to hold me, to kiss me. i shouldn't have to always go chasing after you.

i want you to come up to me, look at me straight in the eyes, and simply hold me.

because that's all i need right now. i just need a hug.

but you're just so caught up in your whole world.

when it comes to the point that you have to ask me 3, 4, 5 times if i'm okay, it obviously means i'm not alright. this crazy thing we call love, is ripping me apart lately. i want to be close to you, and i feel like you just keep on walking away, at a steady pace.

i want to love you, and you keep on walking away.