it's like thinking that there's one more step, and the moment your foot hits emptyness, the bitter feeling of suprise surrounds you, and weighs down on your heart. i sat there, for weeks now, thinking that fairy tales would be jealous of us. that nothing could ever pull us apart. but when reality kicked in, it didn't just walk in the door, it ripped it to shreds, and scared the living shit out of me. my mind went blank, and i could hardly see as my eyes watered up. nothing seemed real as i could feel my palms slam against the walls as i was running down the stairs. the burning feeling was rising, and all i wanted to do was scream, until i couldn't hear anything else. because that's what my heart felt like. it felt an overwhelming amount of anger, caused by hurt. I never expected to hurt this bad, this fast. It all got shoved in my face all at once, and it was just too much to take. my body began to shake, i could hardly breathe. the air felt like it was corrupting my mind, but i needed to gasp for air. you wrote it down, in that little black fucking book. i never go through people's things, but in my intoxicated mind, i just wanted to have a sight into yours, to see what you really thought, and i found it. i found what you were really thinking. and now you deny it, to my face. and i have an unbelievable amount of trust in you, but it's not like i heard it from someone else. i read it in your own hand writting "i told marty we're dating now, but i have a thing with mary. i'm FUCKED"

my mind ran blank, because so many things were clouding my judgement. i wanted to run away, out in the middle of the night, until i found my way home. i didn't want to sleep beside you, the one that i had trusted, with my heart. "i'll keep it safe".

really?! you'll keep it safe?! you told me i had yours, but i don't know where that stands anymore. you told me one thing, but the thing that you thought i would never read, stated the complete opposite. i want to believe you more then anything in the world, when you look me straight in the eyes, and promise me that you love me and no one else. and i don't know if i'm making a mistake or not, but when you're the one hurting me beyond belief at that point, i just want to be in your arms. i don't feel like pushing you away, i don't want to scream at you, i just want to believe more then anything that what you're telling me is the truth. because i don't want to even imagine the day i won't be able to hear you say those words again.

i just want you to love me. and i don't know what she has that i don't give you, because i'm giving you my everything, and if i could give you more, i would. i'd give you the world. i just love the way you look at me,

i hope it never goes away.